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Rice vs. Tulsa
MS MOB '98
MOB: GO RICE!
ENTRANCE: All MOBsters charge on the field in standard pin-stripe
suits. However, now the MOBster's backs bear a large label
reading "MS".
FORMATION: "M$"
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and Gentlemen, we know that you came here expecting
to see the MOB, but today we have something better:
the all new and improved Microsoft MOB! We at Microsoft,
in our continuing quest for world domination, will now
provide all halftime entertainment here at "Microsoft
Stadium", and soon will be supplying products to fill a
variety of other student needs, including textbooks,
cafeteria food, and toilet paper.
Microsoft: "Where do you want to go today?"
MUSIC: "Start Me Up"
ACTION: SA's run around demonstrating the use of new and wacky MS
products such as toilet paper, dishwashing liquid, box
fans, etc...; song ends and MOB scatters to...
FORMATION: Interlocking, rotating circles surrounded by box.
ANNOUNCER: MS-MOB is a significant upgrade over the original. It is
faster, more feature-packed, and more stable. Plus, it
comes bundled with a fully integrated suite of
stadium-aware applications including concessions, ticket
sales, and game officiating. And thanks to Microsoft's
innovative multi-tasking technology, MS-MOB can perform
all these functions with *no* loss of performance!
MUSIC: "Vehicle"
ACTION: SA's "multitask", performing stadium operations such as
concession and ticket sales on the field beside the band.
Some SA's dressed as stadium goers come up and buy MS Hot
Dogs and MS Cola from vendors. Demand increases so that
the SA's have to borrow more and more blocks of MOBsters
from the formation to help them. The SA's continue to
gobble up more and more sections until, at the end of the
song, only a few trombones are left playing the song.
Then, on one of the last notes, the Trombones hang, sputter
and then crash. As the band falls to the ground, the
SA's pull out a large blue sheet made into a Blue Screen of
Death and spread it across the middle of the field; song
ends and MOB scatters to...
ANNOUNCER: [ringing, pick up] Hello, Microsoft Technical Support!
Please listen while we diagnose your problem...
If your system has frozen, please restart.
If your display is corrupted, please restart.
If you have upgraded to Windows 98, please restart.
[phone hangs up...]
MUSIC: Announcer plays "Microsoft Sound" from laptop in press box.
The band is revived and jump back to their feet.
FORMATION: Computer base and monitor.
MUSIC: "Sabre Dance"
ACTION: SA's dressed as colorful Intel "Bunny Men" jive around as
they attempt to revive computer through various wacky
means. They carry large circuit boards which they slide
into various parts of the computer, then scratch they're
heads and jiggle the connectors, kick the sides, etc. We
could also use a giant screwdriver with which they could
tool on various parts of the machine. Perhaps they get
frustrated and pull out electrical paddles to "jump start"
the machine. Every now and then, a tech should stop
working, step aside and simply "GET FUNKY"; song ends and
MOB scatters to...
FORMATION: shoutchevrons
(voiced in rising anger, frustration and screams...)
ANNOUNCER: So you've tried everything to get your MS-MOB halftime to
work... installed new percussion drivers... a new sound
card, changed the IRQs, called a psychic hotline,
testified for Microsoft before the Department of Justice,
worked as Bill Gates' towel boy, read "Windows for
Wombats". It... doesn't... work... NOTHING'S WORKING.
It makes you WANT TO SCREAM, BUT ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS...
shout.
MUSIC: Shout
ACTION: High-tail it off the field.
NOTE: Do not stare directly at this sentence.
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The Marching Owl Band