We cannot confirm the veracity of the following anecdotes. Nonetheless, they are extremely funny. Even if some of these anecdotes are not entirely factual, they undoubtedly borrow heavily from real cricketing situations that lend color to the game.
  • An explanation of Cricket: You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man that's in the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out. When they are all out, the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out.
    Sometimes you get men still in and not out. When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in.
    There are two men called umpires who stay all out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been in and all the men have been out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game!

  • "Man, it don't matter where you come in to bat, the score is still zero!" - Viv Richards to Sunil Gavaskar at Madras 1983. Gavaskar had decided to relinquish his opening position and come in at number 4 for that test. But Malcolm Marshall fired out Anshuman Gaekwad and Dilip Vengsarkar for ducks, setting the stage for Gavaskar to walk in at 0/2. And he'd thought there would be less pressure!

  • Greg Thomas was bowling to Viv Richards in a county game. Viv missed a superb outswinger, and Thomas said "It's red, round and weighs about 5 1/2 ounces!"
    Next ball Viv hits Greg Thomas out of the ground for a 6 and replies, "Greg, you know what it looks like. Go ahead and find it!"

  • Then there's this wicketkeeper who quietly asked the new batsman: "So how's your wife, and my kids?"
    Guess who?...................................Rod Marsh....to Ian Botham!!

  • New Zealand vs South Africa: Daryll Cullinan was batting, attempting a comeback from a complete bamboozling from Warne in earlier games. Cullinan played the first ball from Chris Harris very carefully back down the pitch, and keeper Parore yelled out "Well bowled Warnie!"

  • Australia fighting for a win against England towards the end of a Test Match, Fred Trueman at the crease. The Aussie captain has plenty of close in fielders, whose shadows fall on the wicket. Freddie finds this objectionable. "Ere, if you lads don't back off, I'll appeal for bad light!"

  • 1999 World Cup. Australia vs South Africa: Australia has its back to the wall. Gibbs drops Steve Waugh's catch and Waugh tells him: "Son, you just dropped the World Cup!"
    Australia actually went on to win it!

  • Incident described in "From the Pavilion End" by Harold "Dickie" Bird:
    "Bomber" Wells, a spin bowler and great character, played for Gloucestershire and Nottinghamshire. He used to bat at No. 11 since one couldn't bat any lower. Of him, they used to paraphrase Compton's famous words describing an equally inept runner:
    "When he shouts 'YES' for a run, it is merely the basis for further negotiations!". Incidentally, Compton was no better. John Warr said, of Compton, "He was the only person who would call you for a run and wish you luck at the same time!"
    Anyway, when Wells played for Gloucs, he had an equally horrendous runner as the No. 10. During a county match, horror of horrors.......both got injured. *Both* opted for runners when it was their turn to bat. Bomber played a ball on the off, called for a run, forgot he had a runner and ran himself. Ditto at the other end. In the melee, someone decided that a second run was on. Now we had *all four* running.
    Due to the confusion and constant shouts of "YES" "NO", eventually, *all* of them ran to the same end. Note - at this point in time, the entire ground is rolling on the floor in laughter. One of the fielders - brave lad - stops laughing for a minute, picks the ball and throws down the wicket at the other end. Umpire Alec Skelding looks very seriously at the four and calmly informs them
    "One of you buggers is out. I don't know which. *You* decide and inform the bloody scorers!"

Now that's called an attacking field!
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