"I want to play with boys."-Maiella

"Are you putting that all in your mouth? Have you swallowed yet?"-Aryn

"I love dicks."-Nepute

"You can't let a freshman be the viking master, it's like letting Genghis Khan run an orphanage."-Bosst

"Penis." -DL
"I have one, but it doesn't have a good home right now." -Gins

"I won't do it without a name." -DL
"Yes you will." -Paul
"10 beers and anything that walks is fair game."-Bost

"I got over ugly chicks real fast. She either sucks like a Hoover or she's not worth the effort."-DL

"50 dollars will get you a new tire."-Heckelman

"There's a reason they invented doggy style."-Heckelman

"I need to charge up the monkeys, so they'll dance."-Doug

"He's laying out!"-HHH
"What, with a breast?"-Ben

"I don't like wearing clothes."-Maiella

"I gave up guys when I stopped eating meat."-HHH
"Don't worry, there's still hope for the men's team."-HHH, later

"I don't like head."-Marshall

"I'd like to point out that Ginsburg got Maiella to fill up the cooler before our game."-Paul
"Yeah, but she didn't get us any fucking ice."-Darren

"Junker looks kind of like a bat."
"Maiella, you look kind of yellow today, are you ok?"
"Do you have some kind of upside-down fetish?"
-Teresa, all in one sitting

"Every time I go to the bathroom I start laughing."-Ben, on scrota

"Do you play ultimate?" (pause) "That was just a lead-in to 'what's your name?'-Elaine

"Ben is sort of too long in general"-HHH

"She’d have to be really, really bad to be worse than your right hand."-DL

"Everytime you curse, you must quaff." -Paul

"I love getting the little green man off."

"Darren just can't seem to keep his legs closed."-Paul
"Yeah, he gets it from his mom."-Junker
"Ooooh!"-The Team

"Bust a nut inside your eye, to show you where I come from"-A Tribe Called Quest
"You think I give a damn about a bitch? I ain't a sucka." -NWA

"If you kill a man, kill all of his children."-Ben, quoting an Icelandic proverb
"Ahh, words to live by."-Perkins

"My balls have taken quite a beating this week."-Gins

"My pants are wet. I don't know why or how."-HHH

"Baker huh. I only know one person from baker, Jack. But I didn't hook-up with him; I want you to know that I am not like that."-Sid Freshmen Girl

"I'm not sure I can get anything out. I just wanted to whip my dick out next to you."-Glasscock, to Jordan

"You got pretty deep penetration before I noticed."-Glasscock
"Yeah, this whole conversation was under the table, if you know what I mean."-Jordan

"National Geographic was the shit before porn was invented."-DL

"I got anally dominated by Shane last night."-Glasscock, in this year's first case of sublime irony

"Whitten, wing with whoever was weft."-Ginsburg

"Neil, what happened to your shoes?"-Marshall
"These are socks stupid."-Neil

"Calloused Phallus."-HHH

"I almost buckled in to a banana."-Neil

"That's like eating a rapist." -Shira

"Alright, anal sex here I come!" -Shira

"I don't think my toilet has met anything that large." -Glasscock, on Paul poo

"Grhm." -Ginsburg
"Wow, you totally owned her and you didn't even say anything." -Paul

"Are you wearing that red ribbon because you have AIDS?" -Ben
"Yes, do you want me to infect you?" -Teresa

"I thought you milked cows, and that's why you're good at ultimate, because of the wrists." -Shira
"Well, I didn't milk cows." -Ben

"I'm going to go cuddle up next to Jack."-Ben
"I have some vaseline if you want."-Shira

"Do all half-Japanese people look like monkeys?" -Mary Kay

"I only date girls I could eat." -Doug

"Shane, why aren't you that hardcore?"-Ginsburg
"Because I'm not that poor."-Shane, on Maryland

"I would not run with Dunn for fun.
I would not run with Dunn with a gun."
-Ben Seuss

"There's so much friction that their underpants catch on fire." -HHH, on people who suck at running the loop.

"For your viewing pleasure, look out to the right side of the airplane, you'll see a house I bought that my first wife still lives in."-Curtis the flight attendant, over Las Vegas

"There's one on the bottom you dirty bitch."-Flum, to Maiella, on peanuts.

"Don't mess with me. I have two nuts."-Junker

"This whole town is based on people's susceptibility to being fucked in the ass."-Flum, on Vegas.

"Gins, are you going to the strip tonight?"-Neil
"Eh, maybe."-Gins
"If you're not, can I have your shoes?"-Neil

"My testicles run to Canada every time I go into that class."-Neil, on Elec

"Neil, are you shaving for the women's team?"-Shane
"No, I'm shaving for airport security."-Neil

Worst Excuses | 05-06 | 04-05 | 03-04 | 02-03