"Edgar, you won Mardi Gras!"
-Guth to Edgar

"Mardi Gras sucks? You fucking suck!"
-Beau

"hah, that's really funny, just the fact that ray got asked to esperanza is hilarious."
-Charlotte

"Foul!"
-Lucas

"I was not cool at the dork school."
-Ray

"Maybe if we got the whole team to spit on the windshield..."
-Pascal

"The thing is my dreams are never about sex because my dreams are based upon reality."
-Ray

"Maybe that's why I dream about being turned down."
-Dave

"I just ejaculated my carmex."
-Perkins

"This is Magic, 'cause he's a magician, in bed."
-Perkins, introducing Magic to people at Mardi Gras
"And this is Max, 'cause he's the maximum, in bed."
-Magic, with his arm around Perkins
"He can make you reach your max in bed."
-Daniela
"He'll be your max, in bed."
-Amanda

"Do you want to eat my wiener?"
-Guthrie to Junker

"You didn't go down far enough."
-Arwen to Harding

"I've done lots of three way things."
-Pascal

"It'd be bad if you laid out on your baby."
-Tina

"I don't find any porn stars hot."
-Pascal
"Well, then you haven't looked hard enough."
-Eric

"The penis has dissovled, I repeat, the penis has dissolved."
-Junker

"Go down strong, come hard!"
-Ray's inspirational speech

"Wait, there's a movie called Sea Monsters Ball?"
-Jimmy

(groan) "OH YAH!!"
-Lucas in the shower

"Have you ever had a banana in your salad? How about a caesar salad?"
-Jimmy

"Can someone pop my bottle?"
-Arwen
"I've got a tool in my pocket."
-Guthrie

"A female, you tard."
-Jimmy
"What's a tard?"
-Harding
"A retard, you tard."
-Ray

"I may have a thought forming."
-Jimmy

"It's Harding's chicken wing. If I realized you were sitting next to me, I probably wouldn't have said that."
-Edgar to Arwen

"She should be shot."
-Dave, on Shania Twain
"Naked."
-Perkins

"Shakira-- her shaking is like a trance."
-Perkins

"Only crappy religions are based on guilt."
-Eric

"Perkins, do you think we'd still be slow if we were women?"
-Dave

"They go down easy."
-Daniela, on her shorts

"It's all about the first time."
-Lucas

"I sucked it up but my mouth wasn't over the hole."
-Tina

"If she's standing there naked you have to draw the vagina."
-Daniela

"I'm just too impatient to suck on 'em."
-Ray

"I don't fall, I just gently go down."
-Daniela

"I don't think big things. It just takes me a long time to think about little things."
-Ray

"There were so many things I couldn't stand. If I were a woman, I'd shoot myself."
-Ray

"I'd had five white russians too many."
-Jimmy

"Have some of Mr. Shindeldecker."
-Ray

"Man, look at those split ends-- they're out of control."
-Dave Berry, in reference to Steve Nash

"It's ok as long as you have less than two ounces."
-Narcotics Officer

"This thing starts to kick in really quick. Just suck on the little thing for 10 or 15 seconds."
-Junker

"I got really happy when you whipped that thing out."
-Maeve to Eric

"Is that guy passed out?"
-Junker, as he drives straight through a red light

"Welcome to Poachland, population Charlie."
-Jimmy

Worst Excuses | 05-06 | 04-05 | 03-04 | 02-03