"Hey Darren, would you email me some hazing ideas for the freshmen?"-MKay, after exhausting all possibilities

"If I could take the double integral of our hearts, it would d-u."-Darren to Whitten, touching up on his multivariable

"Man, Yosuke, you were wide open. How did you get so open?"-Glasscock
"No one cares."-Yosuke

"I'd eat shit off the floor in there."-Flum, returning from the bathroom at the Chinese buffet

"Excuse me, what do you use to clean your windows?"-Flum, to Manager after tyke-o-tub tried to run through the glass into the buffet
"Windex."-Manager
"That's what I thought."-Flum, leaving the manager clueless

"Yeah, so I didn't do my homework because I almost died."-Jeff, on excuses for his elec 305 prof

"I can't be speeding while pulling out."-Traverso

"I like to be on the bottom."-Johannah

"My name is Neil, ultimate is my religion. I do stupid things in the name of ultimate."-Neil

"Hey, if you like lubricated buns that's fine with me."-Shira

"I just make it a rule not to sleep with people on their birthdays."-Shira

"Is that guy a girl?"-Jason

"UTA's in the top bracket and they're from Dallas."-Brooks
"So are we."-Glasscock
"We're from Dallas?!"-Eddie
(Not a perfect recall of the conversation, but the idiocy still applies.)

"That looks like the inside of an asshole."-Paul
"How do you know what the inside of an asshole looks like?"-Neil, appropriately
"Well it's round, brown, and covered in black stuff."-Paul

"Sometimes, even the impossible can happen."-Creature from a Prehistoric Land

"Ben and Jerry was the first gay couple."-Whitten, on Vermont
"I'm sure ice cream wasn't the only thing they were packing!"-Neil
"Their cream is flowing, if you know what I mean."-Whitten

"Oh, you were trying to make a joke?"-Frank Jones, to Dunn

"My favorite cheer was, "I fucked your mom!" No, wait, that wasn't it. What was it?"-Edgar, on thoughts and desires

"Man, now I understand why people drink!" -Glasscock

Worst Excuses | 05-06 | 04-05 | 03-04 | 02-03