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| | Jake Smith |
| Names: | Jake |
| Status: | Sophomore |
| Number: | 6 |
| Height: | 6'0 |
| Bio 07: | Jake’s on-field prowess can only be described by one word: bootylicious. That adjective, however, is rarely used to describe his wiry frame.
He likes flowers and long walks on the beach.
The guy with blonde hair, or brownish, he looks like AP biology teacher only not as boring and more ravishing. Much like AP biology in his ravishness, he even likes to ravish the AP biology frogs. He has some interesting offspring.
Fortunately for him, instead of playing the role of responsible parent, he runs off each morning, flipping his golden mane over his shoulder. This mane, that he wears so gallantly, is grown from 26 karat gold, extruded from his golden glands.
Immanuel Kant never approved of Jake’s defensive technique however, Machiavelli did.
If Cloud9 were “Remember the Titans,” Jake would be Sunshine.
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