Setting: MOB on sidelines; award recipients part-way out from sideline at 50 yardline in their usual, tentative "am I in the right place?" idiom, with someone official-looking to present the awards to them

J. Fred: Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Will you please direct your attention to a very special group of people at midfield. These four represented Rice University, in their own way, at the recent Goodwill games in Seattle. Although they didn't receive any medals, we believe that they truly merit recognition for their special efforts...

Action: Halsey Taylor, Will Rice - '74, earned a community service WATCH award for his invaluable assistance with the alcoholic

FOR beverage conspicuous consumption competition...

RABBIT - Natasha Jean Fedeyavitch, Hanszen - '85, provided special

THEN STOP! translation services for Soviet athletes from the Urals who speak a very rare dialect unlike any other Russian tongue.

(stopped here) She also acted as a guide and advisor to the athletes as they learned about many of the aspects of American society.

Action: Nevereadyreg. Rabbit with bass drum squeaks and thumps its way onto the field directly in front of the ongoing Peter... presentation...

Announcer: It's still going ... and going ... and going...

Action: Rabbit thumps and squeaks to center of field. It slows down, stops and sags over (maybe falls over - but only if it winds up flat on its back with the drum in the air). There is silence...

Announcer: Is ... is he ... gone?

Action: Rabbit thumps out the customary eight beats...

Formation: pre MOB

Music: Louie

Formation: MOB

Music ends and MOB scatters to...

Formation: WAVIES

Announcer: What happened this summer? Several world leaders visited Rice during the World Economic Summit. The group

2 Live Crew rapped some lyrics that even the MOB wouldn't do. Rosanne Barr proved that PreGame ain't over till the fat lady sings and scratches. Arkansas searched for and found greener pastures. And the Longhorns and Aggies visited greener pastures but no one wanted the Aggies.

Music: Wipeout

Scoreboard: Car that putters around as if sightseeing...

Action: surfing type stuff - song ends, MOB scatters to...

Formation: BOAT

Announcer: MEGABORG ! It's the kind of name you'd expect in a disaster movie about a burning supertanker. But it was real. And the oil that didn't burn formed a huge slick that drifted toward an anxious Texas coastline. The cleanup was seriously slowed because only Whooping Cranes and

Kemp's Ridley Sea Turtles were on hand to absorb the spill. The Coast Guard has since agreed to augment future cleanup operations by importing thousands of experienced Alaskan sea otters in order to make use of their amazing natural ability to absorb oil.

Music: Great Balls of Fire

Scoreboard: OTTERS that gets covered with oil and looks sad

SPECIAL STUNT SPECIES WERE USED FOR THIS SCENE

NO ANIMALS WERE INJURED IN THE MAKING OF THIS SHOW

Action: prop of supertanker rams boat formation and explodes, and a large, black plastic oil slick spews forth - SAs use push-broonimals to clean up oil-turf

song ends, MOB scatters to...

Formation: GAS PUMP

Announcer: For the first time since 1968 the United States called up its military reserves. But they were not the first Americans to mobilize. Even as the Iraqi army marched across the desert into Kuwait, an army of oil company employees marched across America to raise gas prices.

Music: You Really Got Me Now

Scoreboard: Gas Pump with violently escalating prices...

Action: SAs in cardboard cars pull up to gas pumps only to have all of their money vacuumed away by greedy Big Oil attendants

Music ends and MOB scatters to...

Formation: 1990

Action: do calisthenics such as push-ups, fumble exercises...

Announcer: In an amazing twist of events, the MOB is not doing its "Annual Salute to the New Coach" . A year ago we played "Why Don't You Stay", and Fred Goldsmith did stay. But we can do our First Annual Salute to the New Helmet - Rice's New Set of Wings. Those wings represent the team's new winning attitude. A winning attitude that's contagious.

The MOB's caught it, and we hope you will too.

drum thing: GO RICE ! (not done here, Ken missed the cue...)

Announcer: We're really looking forward to 1990, and our first home conference game, 'cause that's when we're gonna beat ... U-T.

drum thing: GO RICE !

Music: Bonnet

Encore: Louie

Epilogue: Opening went well - "a little long to develop;" students clapped along with Louie

Laugh for 2 Live Crew, laugh for fat lady, a roar for Aggies

We did get laughs for the otter bit; the SA tanker caught on fire (for real) and they had a little difficulty putting it out.

Laughs for gas price.

Much cheering for "beat U-T" line.

A very attentive crowd. They listened.

We used our sound system, which sounded a little weak on the field, but people in the upper deck of the press box side said they could hear the script.

Free admission for military. Free admission if Rice staff, etc. Free admission for Houston City employees. A lot of people who don't comprehend the MOB.

Ken seemed to like it, and thought the crowd liked it.

I'd give it about a "B"

Attendance: ?