October 6, 1990
Formation: Map of Texas & Arkansas
Script: Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Dorothy, who lived in Texas on the old Southwest Conference Farm. One day, the Farm was hit by a tornado of greed, and their prize Razorback Pig was swept away to the land of the Wicked Witch of the Southeast, who had pork chops for dinner.
Action: A Pig is killed in a ritualistic manner
Music: Over The Rainbow Intro
Formation: Arkansas has fallen off the map, leaving only Texas
Script: Dorothy heard stories about the riches and the TV coverage of these faraway lands, and left the Farm to find the mythical land of Media and Money.
Action: SAs wave money around, lay yellow ribbon to the West
Music: Ease On Down The Road (short version)
Formation: U H
Script: Dorothy tried to take the Farm's Cougar along with her, but the Cougar was sooooooo scared...
MOB: HOW SCARED WAS HE?
Script: ...he was as scared as a kitten on probation. It seems he had a recent battle with some Killer Owls, and that turned him into... The Cowardly Cougar.
Music: Cooger Intro - Mickey Mouse
Formation: A + M
Script: Then, near College Station, in a manure-covered field, Dorothy found a scarecrow. He had no brain -- it would've taken five of them just to change a light bulb. The Scarecrow had a pet dog, a long-haired mascot named Dodo who yapped all the time and piddled on everything .
Music: If I Only Had A Brain
Formation: U T into Lines
Script: Then, they found an orange-colored Tin Man, drinking oil. He started with just a sip of WD-40... but then came the hard stuff -- motor oil -- gasoline -- West Texas Intermediate. The Tin Man needed money to support his habit -- and the Permanent University Fund was running low.
Action: The Big Production Number
Music: Slide Some Oil To Me
Formation: PAC 10
Script: The four of them decided to head West on the Yellow Brick Interstate 10, to a faraway land of fruits, nuts and flakes .
There they found only Witches - a Pac of 10 Witches of the West, who wouldn't take them because the Scarecrow was too stooopid , and Dodo had piddled away their welcome.
Music: Phantom Tag
Action: Witch Stuff
Formation: Slippers
Script: Thinking they had failed, Dorothy and her friends trudged home, where they found a small, private university, one that hosts World Economic Summits. There they met a wise old Wizard named Willy, who showed them that everything they wanted was already here. Willy asked them to stay, and even offered to give the Scarecrow a diploma, but it didn't work -- he already had a B.S. degree.
Music: Stay
Formation: Rainbow
Script: Although they had nothing to show for their efforts, Dorothy and her friends had learned the most important lesson of all, one that we knew all along: as long as football game attendance meets minimum standards, there's NO place like home .
Music: Over The Rainbow Finale