Rice vs. UNLV, Sept. 2, 1995

ANNOUNCER: (A small group of burnt and smoking violinists walk out along the 50 to just before the logo---everyone else is on the sidelines). Ladies and Gentleman, before halftime, we have a brief announcement. Last April, the Rice Memorial Center was damaged by a fire which not only burned Willy's Pub, but also totally destroyed the MOB's instruments, uniforms, and music. However, we in the MOB feel it is our duty to continue providing quality halftime entertainment. So please welcome the 1995 Rice University Marching Owl Band.

ACTION: The smoking group does some heavy throat clearing, and begins to play Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star into a microphone. Badly. After an appropriate amount of time. The new, resplendent MOB bursts from the tunnel and runs them over (complete with roll-out flattened person or persons). The smoking crew disappears. MOB goes to a BOM formation.

ANNOUNCER: Fortunately, the insurance company replaced all of our old equipment, and there was enough money left over to buy new state-of-the- art computerized formation software. Unfortunately, it was written for Windows 95. (M & B run and change places)

MUSIC: Great Balls of Fire.

ACTION DURING MUSIC: SA's burn the pub.

FORMATION CHANGE DURING MUSIC: to Fire Hydrant

FORMATION: Peace sign

ANNOUNCER: But Rice was not the only place where sad events happened this past year. Despite the efforts of UN Secretary General Boutros Boutros Gali Gali Oxen Free Fatang, fatang, ole biscuit barrel, the peace in Bosnia has lasted about as long as Shannon Falkner's military career. And Grateful Dead fans everywhere mourn the death of lead singer Jerry Garcia. It was said that half his ashes were spread over northern California, and the other half was sold in clear plastic bags with rolling papers.

MUSIC: I love Rock & Roll

ACTION: Deadheads, and a swaying lighter section during the vocal.

FORMATION: Map of Texas

ANNOUNCER: Speaking of disasters, the Houston Oilers' season starts this weekend. It takes a special kind of man to ask for 200 million dollars at a time when his team can't even compare to the Northwest 45 Little League All-Stars. But if Bud's idea is to build something that can hold everyone in Houston who still likes him, that's fine with us -- it's cheap to build a stadium with no seats at all.

MUSIC: Hit the Road Jack (with "Jack" changed to "Bud")

ACTION: Show Assistants move the astrodome from Houston to Tennessee (tripping over the turf along the way?), chasing some football players and Bud.

ANNOUNCER: Most importantly and closest to our hearts, however, is the Collapse of the Southwest Conference. So as the MOB begins its 1995 Farewell Tour of the Southwest Conference, keep in mind the greatest distaster of them all: there will be so many schools that will never hear this again:

MUSIC: Louie!

Rice won this game 38-0, our first shutout in two years. The Little Leaguers remark is a reference to the halftime presentation to the Little League Baseball National Champs from Spring, Texas.