November 19, 1988

Tubas on field doing baby things in diapers.

Announcer: Sugar and spice and everything nice

That's what little girls are made of.

Toads and snails and puppy dog tails

That's what little boys are made of.

Dark black shades, big red tongues, and a desire to eat their dead. That's what TUBA BABIES are made of!

[G NOTE: Tuba is read: TOO-BA]

Action: MOB scatters on to form...

Formation: TUBA

Announcer: The MOB has developed its own strain of TEST TUBA BABIES

What are test Tuba Babies, you may ask? Some say that they are trumpet babies on steroids. Others say they are french horn babies from Chernoble. But to us they are just the bottom of the band.

Music: Born To Be Wild (1:20)

Action: MOB scatters to form...

Formation: SMILY FACE

Announcer: What are Tuba Babies like? Normally, when Junior gets into trouble a good spanking will suffice /(is enough).

But what do you do when a Tuba Baby blows up your

next door (cut "next door") neighbor's house, (1) ties up the baby sitter, and (gezilches or flushes) the (cat or hamster)?

(2) flushes the cat and eats the babysitter?

[G NOTE: ...gezilches the cat and eats the babysitter...]

Needless to say, Tuba Babies leave big messes behind for Mom and Dad to WIPE OUT.

MOB: "PHLLLLLLT!" (Raspberry)

Formation: Mouth Frowns

Music: Wipe Out (1:20)

Action: Scatter to TV...

Formation: TV

Announcer: The only way to passify these little monsters is to plop them (add "down") in front of the TV. And what do they watch?

(Mr. Rogers voice) ...Hello, boys and girls. Welcome to my neighborhood. Today we are going to learn about pets. My favorite pet is Hermie the Hamster. What is Hermie doing in the microwave? Get away from that dial! Now look, a little balloon. Can you say spontaneous combustion?

I knew you could.

Music: Pop Goes the Weasel ?

Gimme Some Lovin' (1:00)

Action: Scatter to ?

Formation: ?

Announcer: When Tuba Babies go to school, they don't waste their time with whoopie cushions and /(or) centerfolds on the movie screen. They go for the gusto. They may reassemble a Volkswagen in the Principle's office, cut this... fill the halls with Gilette super foamy, tie dye the astroturf in the stadium, . . . or simply /just turn statues around.

While regular babies study reading, writing and arithmetic, Tuba Babies study the history of the baseline, clapping for credit, and SPECTRAL INVARIANCE IN DIFFERENTIABLE RIMMANIAN MANIFOLDS IN EUCLYDIAN N-SPACE

Music: School (0:45)

Announcer: What happens to Tuba Babies when they grow up? Do they become a menace to society?

MOB: NO! Do they run for office?

MOB: NO!

Do they write cheezy romance novels?

MOB: NO!

NO. They go to Rice and play in the MOB.

Because there's just one song that doesn't start out right without tubas, baby.

Music: Louie off the field (1:15)

Jim Bateman