The Astrodome

ANNOUNCER:

'Twas the end of the season, and all through the Dome

Not a creature was stirring, for most had stayed home;

The MOB had arrived with a show and some song

and hopes that the first half would end before long.

The sportscasters only show highlights, it's true,

and visions of MOBsters are seldom and few;

This show's about dangerous toys -- not for play

so just settle back and we'll blow you away.

MUSIC: TURNING IT LOOSE

FORMATION: MOB

changes to...

FORMATION: TARGET

ANNOUNCER: God rest ye merry gentlemen,

With lawn darts you have played.

Your children could recover soon -

It should be by next May.

The wounds will heal,

The scars will fade,

The doctors will be paid.

And the lawsuits will dra - ag on for years,

optional... drag-on for years,

And the lawsuits will dra - ag on for years.

MUSIC: ONLY THE GOOD DIE YOUNG

changes to...

FORMATION: BAG

ANNOUNCER: [...Jingle Bells...]

Plastic bags, plastic bags

Wear 'em on your head!

Dance around. You look so cute,

Until you fall down dead.

Plastic bags, Plastic bags

You are not a toy.

Gagging as you suffocate

Will add to Christmas joy!

MUSIC: TWIST AND SHOUT

FORMATION: changes to GAG

changes to...

FORMATION: CHRISTMAS TREE

ANNOUNCER: O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!

How crispy are your branches.

When you were cut, you missed your turn;

No forest fire; you didn't burn.

O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!

We fill you with 'lectricity.

O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!

Electric are your branches.

We plug you in, and then we fry;

The Underwriter's Lab will sigh.

O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!

How deadly are your branches.

MUSIC: SING SING SING

FORMATION: MOB

ANNOUNCER: And, in the Southwest Conference, money is the most dangerous toy of all:

[to "We Three Kings"]

We three backs from A and M are

Taking money sent from afar,

Sent by boosters,

We're no losers,

Soon they'll buy me a car.

So goodnight to Timmy, we know you are here -

Survivor of Lawn Darts and Glad Wrap so clear;

For you we play LOUIE, and quote without fright:

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a safe night."

MUSIC: LOUIE, LOUIE

ACTION: exit

THANKSGIVING LEFTOVERS...

The audience looked to the sidelines with care,

The audience looked to the sidelines with hope,

For a glimpse of the MOB

In hopes that the MOB could provide better fare;

boredom...cope

The sportscasters only show highlights it's true,

At halftime the network shows highlights it's true,

While visions of MOBsters are seldom and few;

This show's about toys that can hurt those who play

The rest will see pictures, you'll get it today

So just settle right back and we'll blow you away

The lawn dart will put out your eye. Lawyers will arrive before the ambulance. The settlement was so

big... a toy meant to improve hand - eye coordination and aerate your lawn at the same time.

javelin catching - an exhibition sport at the 92 Olympics. Call 911.

Or you'll catch that lawn dart square in the eye

The MOB, like a plastic bag is not a toy. It's just a wrapper, and can be hazardous in all other applicaitons...

The pads worn by the players work the same way - they protect the product underneath, but can be incredibly hazardous when used improperly. What other toy encourages 250 pound people to run straight into each other while running full tilt/speed?

This MOB is not a toy. Incorrect use can stick to your face causing possible suffocation and brain damage... but, then again, getting the wrong idea about one of our shows is usually the result of a suffocated funny bone and Aggie-like brain damage.

The bag is meant as protection for the contents ONLY. Whether the contents are freshly cleaned clothing, toys, or bills in large denominations meant as hush-money, the bag can't hurt you until the contents are out in the open

Idea: Christmas Tree - already wilting, electricity

You're only green from someone's spray,

And you've been dead three months today;

O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree

With painted leaves unchanging.

The Underwriter's Lab will sigh...

As lots of people twitch and fry

O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,

How deadly are your branches.

Each year you bring to me delight

Burning in the Christmas night.

O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,

Of all the trees most deadly.

The power companies really like Christmas for the incredible bills that it runs up powering the vast array of decorations. The Underwriter's Laboratory reminds you not to wire your Christmas tree unwisely.

When that tree gets dry and you continue to pump electrons over it through verrrry thin wires...

Should get a fire extinguisher for Christmas.

At no other time do you amass a huge pile of flammable material beneath a dead tree and pump electricity around it through verrrry thin wires.

Idea: Closing... Louie... Timmy

We three backs from A and M are

pocketing money sent from afar

sent by boosters,

we're no losers

soon they'll buy me a car

So to our fan Timmy, we know you are here...

Don't ever play football just sit back and cheer

For the money they offer's a dangerous toy...

Away in a huddle

At A-A and M

The players are groaning:

"We're out on a limb.

Now Jackie's discovered -

Our money is gone.

While out on probation

We'll just mow the lawn."

A VISIT FROM ST. NICHOLAS Clement Clarke Moore

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;

And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,

Had just settled our brains for a long winter's nap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow

Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,

I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,

And he whistled, and shoute, and called them by name;

"Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now Prancer and Vixen!

On, Comet! on Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen!

To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!

Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,

so up to the house-top the coursers they flew,

With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of each little hoor.

As I drew in my head, and was turning around,

Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;

A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,

And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

His eyes - how they twinkled - his dimples how merry!

His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

His droll little mout was drawn up like a bow,

And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,

And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;

He had a broad face and a little round belly,

That shook, when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,

And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

and giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

but I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."