U of H SHOW

Astrodome scoreboard Flashes:

A LESSON IN ECONOMICS

Followed by:

OR

WHY JOHNNY CAN'T INVEST

BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE BROKERS YOU CAN TRUST AT:

H & R MOB

AT H & R MOB, OUR MOTTO IS: GO FOR BROKE

During the preceding, MOBsters, dressed regularly except for jackets and ties over their vests, march to midfield and into dollar sign formation.

Scoreboard flashes: PROBLEM # 1: U + H = ?

MOB plays "The Sting" as dollar sign marches into cent sign.

Scoreboard: HOW'S THAT FOR A DOWNWARD ADJUSTMENT?

MOB Marches into Q-Tip and ear.

Commercial break as MOBsters in suits and bull heads kick up dust and run over a couple other MOBsters. Stretchers can remove a couple injured instruments.

"At H & R MOB, our specialy trained finance experts know how you should go about securing that one thing you've wanted so badly you can practically taste it right now. Yes, we understand you have an interest in protecting your cotton investment this season, so H & R MOB suggests that you corner the Q-Tip industry. That way, you can take all that luscious, fluffy cotton and stick it in a secure place."

MOB plays "Dixie" as Q-Tip marches into ear. Scoreboard can run Rebel flag. From there it's into the cat's face.

"No public university can claim a sufficient number of deductions without an absolutely gigantic marching band to write off as a dependent. In Houston alone there is one marching band so huge it can spell out 'ANTIDISESTABLISHMENTARIANISM' with three Gs to spare. With a band this size, you need a mascot so fierce nobody will laugh when they find out you've named it after a brand of root beer."

MOB plays Shasta Root Beer Theme. To parody the UH white glove treatment, certain MOB members can lay on their backs and stick their feet up in the air, cum white socks. On the scoreboard from right to left come the letters M-E-O-W, followed afterwards by L-S, while M-E goes off the left side, leaving OWLS.

Then it's into a camera.

"The qualified financial analysts of H & R MOB know a good investment when it hits them over the head. That is why you are urged to start collecting pieces of art as a student. Simply by going to a local art festival, you can be exposed to things that normally hang in private collections. The artists at such festivals always appreciate coverage, so even if you go just to look, at least you can get a photograph and run it in the fine arts section of the student newspaper."

MOB plays "The Stripper" while up on the board runs FLASH PHOTO?

"If you are not completely satisfied with the advice of H & R MOB, you may ignore us absolutely free of charge. And if the government should arrest you and throw you in jail for investment fraud and tax evasion, you can count on us to be unhappy about it. Because at H & R MOB, you aren't just a client, you're a patsy."

MOB marches to sidelines playing "Happy Trails."