ENTRANCE: MOB on sidelines, making a big show about testing the wind direction, and lining up shots. Then entire MOB whacks whiffle golf balls onto field toward SA with a flag and forms...
FORMATION: FORE
SCRIPT: What do doctors and O.J. Simpson have in common? They've both been known to slice a few! Of course, we're talking about their favorite game: golf. From the world's largest miniature golf hole, the Marching Owl Band will to show you how to get your game on par FORE the coming fall season.
MUSIC: "All I Wanna' Do".
ACTION: SAs set up a little golf course with flags and sand traps. They wear golf gear, including spiked shoes, cardigans, knickers, berets, argyle socks, straw hats with floral bands, and visors. O.J. rides around in a white golf cart, since the trial is still going on. Spoofs of the game in general occur, involving "Stay on Cart Path" signs, etiquette blunders, clothing choices, etc.
MOB: "FORE!" MOB whacks (or putts) golf balls again to form...
FORMATION: Flag. A rectangular flag. Well, not quite.
SCRIPT: Do you find yourself going behind trees to look for your balls? Then you need to fix your grip, so strap on the Hook Harness! It keeps your knees bent, elbows straight, shoulders square, head down, eyes on the ball, brow furrowed, nostrils flared, thumbs up, eyes crossed, and that's not all! It also hooks, slices, and dices and comes with its own insurance FORE your trips to the hospital!
MUSIC: "River of Dreams".
ACTION: SAs demonstrate the Hook Harness, which consists of some poor SA wandering around in a contraption with six-foot long poles sticking out everywhere.
MOB: "FORE!" and scramble as before.
FORMATION: ICBM
SCRIPT: Do you get annoyed at other golfers who go too slow but won't let you play through? We have just what you need! Developed by the military and used in Operation Desert Storm, the Inter-Course Ball Missile, or ICBM, can blow away the competition with superior firepower off the tee. Let it do for your golf course what it did FORE Saddam's private driving range.
MUSIC: "Couple Days Off".
ACTION: Saddam's private driving range in Iraq. Saddam joining OJ in his white golf cart for a friendly round. SAs gazilch plastic golf balls around the field.
MOB: "FORE!" and scramble.
FORMATION: GOLF.
SCRIPT: "We know that most people would rather be trapped in a room with Bob Packwood than be seen these things, so we're going to tell you about the best golf training aid ever invented--us! Yes, the Marching Owl Band can help you play better golf. We can teach you how to concentrate during any distraction!
ACTION: MOBsters yell epithet at the crowd
SCRIPT: Have your own personal gallery of spectators at every tournament!
ACTION: MOB gives crowd golf claps.
SCRIPT: Get special "help" finding those lost balls!
ACTION: MOBsters surreptitiously drop 'lost' balls, whistling and looking at the clouds. Maybe kick the whiffle balls toward the green.
SCRIPT: We guarantee that we are the highest quality product you'll ever find. We've been tested in wind tunnels, humidity, rain, and Chemistry 101, and we're engineered at the best university in the country. Hurry up and order us beFORE we're all gone!
MUSIC: Cowbell starts. When the count gets to four, we duck yet again and the cowbell stops. Cowbell starts again, this time with "one, two, three, ..., five, six, seven, eight" and we play Louie and return the field to our beloved Winged Warriors.