Sept. 8, 1990

Promises

Announcer: Promise, noun - A declaration that one will do or refrain from doing something specified. (pause)

The MOB promises to act like adults from now on.

Entrance: MOB screams onto field

Formation: LIPS

Announcer: It's in the nature of every political campaign for the candidate to make promises. When George Bush made a really important promise he'd say "Read my lips." We did. His lips said "no new taxes." That's not what they're saying now. But we won't have to read his lips anymore if he raises taxes: lame ducks have no lips.

Music: Money for Nothing

Formation: changes to LIES, song ends and formation changes to...

Action: blah blah

Formation: CAR

Announcer: Do you believe that at Ford, quality is job one?

Is Chevrolet the heartbeat or the heartbreak of America? When Lee Iacocca brags "Advantage - Chrysler" he should say: "Advantage - Mitsubishi ." Should we say anything about Yugos, or would that be pushing it? There's only one slogan that we can really trust:

This is not your father's Oldsmobile.

Music: Vehicle

Action: a variety of automotive catastrophes and the wheels turn backwards on the formation and then fall off and/or go flat

Formation: 5000

Announcer: The F-S-L-I-C promises that "Your money is safe with us." Sure it is. How many times has your bank changed names? Now Uncle Sam is trying to pin the trillion-dollar Savings and Loan crisis on someone - any one - everyone . And here's how he's handling the investigation...

Who's to blame for this?

MOB: HE IS! (pointing at each other)

Announcer: Who's going to pay for it?

MOB: YOU ARE! (pointing at each the crowd)

Announcer: What should we tell Uncle Sam when he asks each and every one of us for five thousand dollars to help bail out the Savings and Loan Industry?

MOB: THE CHECK IS IN THE MAIL!

Music: Everybody's Everything

Action: the zeroes in the formation go around and the SAs continually re-name a Savings and Loan facility while a gezilcher launches bags of money at it.

At music's end MOB scatters to...

Formation: Lines

Announcer: Weren't we promised a clean Governor's race this year?

(fight announcer's voice)...

Ladies and Gentlemen - In this corner, at five foot eight and weighing one hundred and thirty pounds, a graduate of Baylor University, with promises of improved social programs, no new taxes and a campaign without mud is the Democrat's candidate for Governor of the state of Texas: Anne Richards.

And in this corner, at six foot one and one hundred and eighty two pounds, with promises of a better business environment, no new taxes and no mudslinging is the Republican candidate for Governor, a graduate of

Texas A&M- Clayton Williams.

Alright, no clinches, no low blows and no mudslinging . Let's have some good, clean issues , and come out campaigning at the sound of the bell.

(bell clangs)

Music: Wild Thing

Action: the candidates simply attack (maybe some good clean MUD) each other in a vigorous and frenetic and (hopefully) bloodless manner for the duration of the song.

At music's end MOB scatters to...

Formation: RICE

Announcer: Rice University also has a tradition of promises: At one time they said "We won't charge tuition." But that gave way to: "We won't raise your tuition." This year they said: "There's room for everyone who wants to live on campus." And they've always said: "The food is better this year." Do you believe the Administration any more?

MOB: NO!

Announcer: No more than you'd believe us if we said:

"The MOB will never play Louie Louie again."

make them beg for it...

Music: Louie