Nov. 7

FORMATION: MOB

ANNOUNCER: We'll be right back with the MOB and the Alumni Band after this message...

ACTION: the "O" scatters to form...

FORMATION: M[[Omega]]B

ANNOUNCER: Did you know that there are only fourteen hundred common equations and constants in physics? With Hooked On Physics you can set those fourteen hundred equations to music, making them easy to learn, and FUN too! Just dial 1-800-3-point-14159 for more information about this easy and interesting way to learn. Just call 1-800-3-point-14159 and don't forget to ask about Hooked on P Chem and Hooked on Diffy-Q.

MUSIC: One O'Clock Jump

ACTION: giant blackboard w/equations, professors force-feeding knowledge into the tops of students' heads with a drill song ends and MOB scatters to form...

FORMATION: Chainsaw

ANNOUNCER: NEXT - Drum Major Laureen Hildebrand directs, but first, this word from our sponsor:

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MUSIC: Moon Dance

ACTION: Mass murderers (hockey mask + chainsaw) are sprayed and turn into saints wearing choir robes. Chainsaw props turned over to become bunches of flowers or other sweet, innocent objects. Angel (on rope) ascends into heaven; chain rotates on saw; song ends and MOB scatters to form...

FORMATION: Texas

ANNOUNCER: We'll be back - with the conclusion of our show, led by former Rice Band Director Bert Roth in a moment.

Did you know that the crust of the earth is in constant motion? Scientists call that motion Plate Tectonics. Can you feel it? NO! And with that motion comes risk to you, your family and your home. Earthquakes, landslides - even volcanoes! In the past all you could do was hope and pray, but now there's LavaLert - the world's first Volcano Warning Device. LavaLert uses space-age technology to detect even the smallest flow of molten rock near your home - and emits a piercing tone to warn you and your family. Don't get toasted - get a LavaLert.

MUSIC: 25 or 6 to 4

ACTION: House w/ smoke detector, volcano. When volcano goes off, family in pajamas come running out of house. Volcano actually engulfs the house, amoeba-style... song ends and MOB scatters to form...

FORMATION: script RICE

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ACTION: walk-through lobotomy booth; MOB does the cascading fall from the bottom of the "R" to the end of the "e" with a gong smash at the end, followed by the cowbell intro to...

MUSIC: Louie

EXIT: flee

EPILOGUE: Maybe I should have written up the ComaTime(TM) commercial - this was one of the deadest crowds that I've ever experienced - even for homecoming. I actually heard people laughing for Hooked On Physics, but that was about it.

Halftime score: (us); final score: 34-3 (we WON)

Attendance: 19,800