"The Mark of Zero"

Texas Tech

October 19, 1990

Entrance: (MOB on sidelines-- "Go Rice!")

(impressive, fast, movie-preview tone)

Announcer: Good evening, Ladies and Gentlemen! Tonight, a halftime extravanganza! The MOB brings you an epic adventure in the grand tradition of "Robin Hood," "The Three Musketeers" and "The U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service Guide to the Snails and Slugs of the Southwestern United States." Thrills! Chills! Romance! Fresh Fruit! Hang on to your seats as we present - "THE MARK OF ZERO !"

Formation: 0

Music: Spanish Power (part I)

Action: formation changes during music to Z

SA's look really, really impressed.

music ends and formation changes to...

Formation: Swimming Pool

(Mexican accent)

Announcer: It is a sad time for our small but inconsequential village of Lubbock de los Muchos Stockyards. The evil tyrant, Don Juan Alfonso Garcia Antonio Diablo Roberto Rodolfo Burrito Taco Tamale Frijole Enchilida, is determined to win for himself a gold medal in the Atlanta Olympics, and forces us to practice all day on the skills we learned in crossing from Old Mexico to America, so that we can be his team in the exciting Olympic sport of Synchronized Swimming.

Music: Far From Over

Action: People in swimsuits & Sombreros do Synchronized Swimming Routine while Enchilada & his banditos stand guard with guns. Music ends and formation changes to...

1

Formation: Bullring

Announcer: But all is not hopeless, for the mysterious champion of the poor and downtrodden known only as El Zero promises to fight the banditos of Don Enchilada to the very end to save us from his tyranny. Today is the semi-annual clearance sale and bullfight, when Enchilada and his men will gather to watch a huge, savage bull with giant razor-sharp horns beat up on a helpless little matador. But unknown to the tyrant, El Zero has plans to change the festivities...

Music: Red Raider Fanfare/Spanish Power (part 2)

Action: A giant bull tramples a helpless matador while Enchilada and his ugly banditos watch and laugh. Suddenly, El Zero appears. Using his sword and cape he manages to distract the bull, then turns it on the group of bad guys, who are scattered in confusion. Music ends and formation changes...

Formation: Trumpet

Announcer: It is a joyful day for the village! The mighty Zero has defeated the tyrant, and all the people gather to celebrate his achievement with a grand fiesta! The streets are decorated with flowers, fireworks fill the sky, and the tables are piled high with the traditional feast of Spam Casserole.

Music: Oye Mi Canto

Action: The streets are decorated with flowers, fireworks fill the sky, and happy people eat Spam Casserole, which causes internal hemorrhaging. Music ends and formation changes...

Formation: Runways

Announcer: But the tyrant Enchilada is not finished yet! Enraged at his humiliating defeat, Enchilada lays a trap for El Zero. He announces a half-price sale on black satin capes, knowing that El Zero will not be able to resist such a bargain. But when El Zero arrives at the village, Enchilada's men will be waiting for him...

Music: Barber of Seville

2

Action: Banditos hide behind cardboard village buildings. El Zero, suspecting nothing, rides by on his horse (i.e. with his sidekick clapping coconuts for him). The Banditos attack. Shots ring out. A wildly impressive chase scene occurs. In it, Zero manages by various clever means to wipe out all the banditos, and the entire village by mistake. It finally comes down to an exciting swordfight between Enchilada and Zero. At the last moment, Enchilada pulls some dastardly, unfair trick or other and El Zero goes down. Enchilada raises his sword to deliver the coup de grace! At that moment the music ends and everything freezes!

Announcer: (alarmed) Is this the end of El Zero !? Will Don Enchilada's reign of terror continue unchecked!? Are the villagers doomed to a life of poverty, misery, and Spam casserole!? To learn the answers to these and other questions, come back in two years for part 2 of our 15 -part serial, "THE MARK OF ZERO !"

Music: Louie

Action: Exit

NOTE: DO NOT READ THIS SENTENCE