Rice vs Texas Tech

"SPACE"

Revision: 10-13-88

FORMATION: SPACE

ANNOUNCER: Captain's Log, Stardate 8810.15: The Enterprise has been assigned to historical research, studying the state of Space Exploration in the year 1988. Navigational and time travel coordinates have been laid in, and we are now prepared to go where only Shirley MacLaine has gone before...

MUSIC: 2001

ACTION:?

ANNOUNCER: Earth, 1988. We are attempting to enter Earth orbit. But space near the planet is very crowded. Military satellites, communications satellites, military communication satellites, Weather, Astronomy, Televangelism, slicing, dicing, chopping, mashing *gasp* ...and that's not all -- over 42,000 Pay-TV channels. Our sensors show that the overcrowding is soooo bad...

MOB: "How bad is it?"

ANNOUNCER: It's so bad that UFOs can't get to the Bermuda Triangle--

and Elvis is running out of boats.

MUSIC: CLOSE ENCOUNTERS into STAR WARS

FORMATION: UFO

ACTION: UFO formation slides back&forth on field, then falls apart. SA's dressed as UFOs dodge past satellite to retrieve boats & deliver them to an Elvis impersonator.

FORMATION: Rockette staging

ANNOUNCER: Terrestrial space exploration is having problems. A troubled NASA visited New York City's space experts: the Rockettes, seeking advice about inadequate protective measures and rubber seals that didn't quite work. The Solid Rockette Booster inquiry left many Rockettes in an unfortunate condition, and they refused to have any further contact with over-eager astronauts...

MUSIC: Basin Street

ACTION: Rockettes dance. Desperate, panting astronauts try to pick them up and get maced or something.

FORMATION: Conga Line

ANNOUNCER: USA TODAY recently published a colorful graph showing that all Government employees, stacked end-to-end, could place satellites in orbit by hand. Frustrated NASA executives, seeking new ways of getting up, decided to try it... with results better imagined than described.

MUSIC: EVERYBODY'S EVERYTHING

ACTION: Conga Line

FORMATION: Space Shuttle

ANNOUNCER: Despite these problems, our research indicates that there are hopeful signs: The US Space Program has become airborne once again, and if imitation is the sincerest form of flattery then NASA should be very pleased indeed, because now they have America's Space Shuttle while the Soviet Union has... America's Space Shuttle. We wish the Soviets the best of luck with their knock-off version, but we'll stick with our own-- since we know it can fly very high indeed.

MUSIC: Stars & Stripes

ACTION: Gnome-Cart Space Shuttle scurries around the field. Releases balloons from cargo bays.

ANNOUNCER: Captain's Log, final entry: Our research is complete, and the conclusion is obvious: Beam me up, Scotty-- there's no intelligent life down here.

MUSIC: Louie, Louie

ACTION: Exit

NOTE: DO NOT READ THIS SENTENCE