ANNOUNCER: Attention! Attention! Attention! On behalf of Rice University, we would like to thank you for attending today's double attraction of sports and music. The best of Southwest Conference Football will continue after we present what you really came here to see and hear. Ladies and gentlemen, the group that has entertained thousands with their musical talent and gift for fun. Let's have a warm welcome for the amazing audio and vivid... vibrant... violent... visceral... visual sensation, (just beginning their concert tour here in Rice Stadium), (pause) THE MOB.

enter from fringes of field, when settled drums start GO RICE! cheer

Music: SURF

Formation: LINES and changes to MOB [faces pressbox]

band scatters at end of song to TROMBONE formation [faces pressbox]

ANNOUNCER: Glenn Miller, Benny Goodman and Count Basie were the big names in the big bands of the past, but today one of the biggest names of a truly BIG band is The Goin' Band From Raiderland. This band is big. (pause) it's verry big. (pause) it's soooo big...

MOB: HOW BIG IS IT?

ANNOUNCER: It's soooo big it couldn't afford the bus fare to Houston...

(drum lick... )

And here's the MOB!

Music: CORNER POCKET

Action: TROMBONE's slide extends and retracts etc.

at end of song MOB scatters to...

Formation: MUSICAL STAFF with EIGHTH NOTE [facing pressbox]

during reading of the script, MOBsters fall asleep one-by-one...

ANNOUNCER: Our next selection is by Giacchimo Antonio Rossini; born in 1792 and died in 1868: a Deutsche-Grammaphone recording of his Overture from the opera The Barber of Seville, Opus 17. The full opera was first performed on February 20th 1816, to poor reviews, and has not been heard from since...

MOB: GET ON WITH IT!

ANNOUNCER: The overture's popularity in America is due solely to the efforts of cartoon opera star Bugs Bunny. Today we hear the overture deformed by the Symphonic Owl Band of Rice University, under the (mis)direction of Maestro Kenneth Dye. (pause) Also available on compact disc.

Music: BARBER OF SEVILLE

Action: EIGHTH NOTE changes to TREBLE CLEFwith notes running about

at end of song MOB scatters to GUITAR formation [faces students]

ANNOUNCER: The new wave of morality in America has shown a concern for the possible link between rock music and devil worship. The MOB will leave no stone unrolled in its efforts to prove that it's NOT a band to show sympathy for the devil. Naturally, the MOB only performs songs with simple words (pause) or nothing intelligible at all: (eight cowbell beats (that's all))

(wait for the furor to die down)

ANNOUNCER: Sorrrry, just teasing...

Music: JUMPIN' JACK FLASH

Action: rock-musician-types leap from speaker boxes

at end of song MOB forms SQUIGGLES [faces students]

ANNOUNCER: If you think you're good and ready, we'll go on... (MOB waves)

KNOCK! - KNOCK!

MOB: WHO'S THERE?

ANNOUNCER: JAMES.

MOB: JAMES WHO?

ANNOUNCER: NO ... JAMES WATT! (MOB cringes in fear) Remember him? He thought that certain performers could attract an

undesirable element... (pause) an undesirable element like -

MOB: THEM! MOB points at Rally Club in stands

ANNOUNCER: To prevent any such problem here, THE UNIVERSITY has plans to initiate a drug-testing program for anyone engaged in extra-curricular activities, including the athletic teams, the cheerleaders, and the MOB... the MOB! Uh-oh...

(The MOB screams in abject terror while cringing even more)

VOCALIST: "Now, waaaaaaaiit a minute..........."

Music: SHOUT

Action: SQUIGGLES change to LINES

after song is over...

ANNOUNCER: This is a test. For the next 100 seconds this band will conduct a test of the First Ever In Rice Stadium After Game Concert's About To Begin Warning System. This band, in voluntary cooperation with University officials, is conducting this test in order to provide you with a fair warning that the Beach Boys post-game concert is about to begin. When you hear this tune after the game, please get comfortable for the beginning of the concert.

This is only a test...

Music: LOUIE, LOUIE

MOB exits field to student side while playing