HALFTIME

Band(s) enter(s) from tunnel to National Geographic Theme

"Any dictionary will tell you that when kangaroos travel in groups, they are called a mob. But when their neighbors to the north get together, they are called the Red Chinese. Unlike the kangaroos, the Chinese are a disciplined group. they dress alike, look alike, and even march to traditional songs. In other words, they put on lousy halftime shows."

With nearly a billion people to organize, you need a fearless leader with a strong party to back him up. That is what Red China had in the crucial years-- a party that promised Rice in every pouch, and a chairman with the ability to organize great pep rallies. Just who was this leader of the party made for you and me...."

Band segue into 'Mickey Mouse'

"The last thing Mickey Mao needed was trouble from bothersome kangaroo mobs. Led by the notorious Captain Kangaroo and his sidekick Mister Greenjeans, the menacing marsupials caused earthquakes and general Confucius, making large chinks in the Great Wall. Even a tough system of kangaroo courts led by a Russian Dancing Bear was unable to keep them out."

Music: I Feel the Earth Move

"Meanwhile, back at the Olympics, the Chinese entered the furry invaders in the long jump, high jump, and bamboo pole vault events. They even had a gang of four in the volleyball competition. And before the Grandfather clock could wind down, they had filled their pouches with gold and silver medals."

Music: Olympic Fanfare

"Who can say where this Red Plague will strike next? Already we have experienced the Hong Kong flu, purchased thousands of Chinese checkerboards, and named a school in the Southwest Conference after their favorite food. Soon they may unleash their ultimate weapon, guaranteed to put an end to everything, even this silly show. It isn't pretty, but Chinese fire drills seldom are."