Rice v. TCU
October 23, 1999
Rice Stadium
Freshman-written
show.
MOB:
Go Rice!
FORMATION
Planet with ring, sign: “Fort Worth”
ANNOUNCER
(over music):
It is a dark time for the MOB. Although the Death Star has been
destroyed, Imperial troops have driven the MOB forces from their hidden base and
pursued them across the galaxy. The evil lord Darth Aggie, obsessed with destroying
the MOB, has dispatched thousands of Corps
Troopers to the planet Fortworth. Finding
no signs of intelligence, they decide to turn an army of horned frogs to the
dark side...
MUSIC:
Star Wars
ACTION:
Storm troopers/Darth Vader/Darth Maul? Give frogs horns, pitchforks, and
other assorted instruments of evil.
FORMATION:
Race track
ANNOUNCER:
News of the dark victory has thrown the federation senate into disarray.
The WAC, looking for any excuse to abandon its recent acquisition, TCU,
has attempted to use the defection to turn TCU over to the Conference-USA.
The C-USA rejects the proposal, and a traditional pod race is used to
settle the dispute. We'd have preferred
Judge Judy to settle the dispute, but she's booked solid investigating Janet
Reno's alleged competence.
MUSIC:
Duel of the Fates
ACTION:
During narration: WAC and C-USA people push TCU guy back and forth.
During music: Pod race: WAC and C-USA representatives race in pods.
They run around the race track (the MOB) before breaking through the
ranks and crashing into Dr. C. on his ladder and being destroyed.
FORMATION:
TCU
ANNOUNCER:
Following an inconclusive pod race,
the Senate moved to a second test, the Match of Death, to determine
responsibility for the team that no one wanted – loser take all.
MUSIC:
Mortal Combat
ACTION:
Fight. Use chairs, guns,
etc. Fight continues until
interruption…
FORMATION:
TCU becomes CUT
ANNOUNCER:
Excuse me gentlemen, but it’s come to our attention that you’re using
violent themes in your Match of Death, or MOD.
To protect your safety, you will no longer be permitted to use
decorations of a violent nature, or to actually kill one another at the MOD.
You may, however, still wear your costumes.
MUSIC:
Beat it
ACTION:
Fight shifts to comical stupid weapons: big inflatable mallets, balloons,
pillows. WAC eventually wins fight,
and C-USA grudgingly accepts TCU.
ANNOUNCER:
And so the WAC won the Match of pseudo-Death, and
got to cut TCU from the conference.
Thanks for all the memories, TCU. But
especially, thanks for all the wins.
FORMATION:
CUT becomes OUT
MUSIC:
Louie