Rice Vs. San Jose St.

October 16, 1999

Rice Stadium

MOB: GO RICE!

FORMATION: EH?

ANNOUNCER: San Jose State! (yawn) I'm sorry, that's all we've got? San

Jose where? Do you know the waay too easy. It says San

Jose C-A. C.A. C.A? The west coast? No! The north

coast - now there's a place that's just begging for a MOB

hit - Canada!

MUSIC: Rocky & Bullwinkle Tag [:22]

ACTION: Moose wanders onto field. Tag ends and MOB scatters to...

FORMATION: Mountain Tops (with snow)

ANNOUNCER: O, Canada, our perky little neighbor to the North. They

have forests ... and fish... and igloos ... and penguins.

But they don't have cops! Instead, they have Mounties, who

ride horses, wear funny hats and chase moose-es.

MUSIC: William Tell Overture [2:05]

ACTION: Canadian Mounties chase moose. Song ends and MOB scatters

to...

FORMATION: Hockey Rink

ANNOUNCER: Long ago, a bunch of Canadians were sitting around on a

bunch of ice, looking for something to do. With no one

else to pick on, they decided to beat on each other.

Hockey was invented. Leave it to Canadians to combine

the Ice Capades and boxing. Of course, the Canadians

would probably have kept hockey a secret, had they known

that the best hockey teams would some day come from Texas.

MUSIC: Far From Over [1:17]

ACTION: Boxing meets the ice capades. Zamboni cleans the ice.

Song ends and MOB scatters to...

FORMATION: Pizza Slice

ANNOUNCER: Of course, Canada has done some bad things. Who could

forget the Canadian missile crisis? Or the never-ending

battle with the Canadian drug cartel? Well, maybe those

are things we can forgive, but Canada, <yelling> KEEP YOUR

STINKING BACON OFF OF OUR PIZZA!

MUSIC: Come On Eileen [1:32]

ACTION: SA's gzilch bacon at a giant pizza. Song ends and MOB

scatters to...

FORMATION: Shield [like pregame]

ANNOUNCER: Maybe we've been a bit too harsh on Canada. After all,

where else would we get all of our ice? Besides, Canada is

the only thing keeping Alaska from becoming contiguous. To

end our show, and as a sign that this is all in fun, we

ask: Ladies and gentlemen, will you please rise for the

playing of the Canadian National Anthem.

ACTION: SA's unveil small Canadian flag in center of shield.

MOB: "Cinq, six, sept, huit..."

MUSIC: Louie

EXIT.