SCRIPT: "For the benefit of those who don't often get to Houston from the suburbs of Ft. Worth, the MOB would like to showcase the breadth of culture and good taste that is available in Houston. Because Houston is not only a city of art deco, ship channels and little Greek dives down by the waterfront, but a community of tasteful people. And since the MOB itself is something of a dabbler in things with good taste, it would like to share with you all a hearty howdy do to...the Performing Arts in Houston."
ACTION: MOB forms a semicircle at mid-field with a conductor in tux prominently at front.
SCRIPT: "First in our program this afternoon is a look at the Houston Symphony, a totally professional group of musicians and union members who meet the needs of a Houston audience. The MOB will recapture some of the highlights from past seasons, as the Houston Symphony gained further acceptance by playing symphony for the people. Ladies and gentlemen, the Houston Marching Symphony, conducted this week by..uh..another in a series of talented virtuosos, as they perform Richard Wagner's score fro the movie "2001: A Space Odyssey."
ACTION: Band plays the all-too-familiar passage from Wagner's "Man and Superman," as the conductor directs with a plumber's helper. As the Band finishes with a clash, scantily clad young ladies on the sidelines hold up cards that read APPLAUSE to the audience. If done properly, this could be supremely low class.
SCRIPT: "The Houston Marching Symphony will now perform "The Lone Ranger Overture" at a slow trot."
ACTION: Under guidance of conductor directing by clapping two coconut halves together, Band plays William Tell Overture passage. Rows of MOB members canter in place in time to music. At finish, girls at sidelines hold up cards with CLAP A LOT printed on them, smiling and posing like those women on daytime game shows who adoringly show off the prizes.
SCRIPT: "For their final number, the Houston Marching Symphony will now present Tchaikovsky's Symphony No. 5 in E minor Opus 64."
ACTION: Conductor looks up at press box like he has just been thrown a curve ball. He rummages through music in front of him, throwing sheets up in the air, pats himself to make sure it's not in one of his pockets, shuffles around some, and finally looks up as though he has just thought up an innovative way to get out of the dilemma. He taps the MOB Symphony to attention, raises his directing umbrella, and leads the MOB down field in semicircle formation to Monty Python theme. All move with silly step routine. Girls on sidelines hold up cards reading CHEAT A LOT.
MOB breaks up and re-forms in end zone as announcer continues:
SCRIPT: "Yet what is the good of performing arts without competition to ensure that the performers are always on their toes. When a ballerina pirouettes, who can compare it with pirouettes from past seasons or pirouettes performed by other ballet teams? Why not take the best features of sporting and cultural events
and that's where the page is cut off...