Olympian Summer Recap

ENTRANCE: MOB runs onto field during following announcement and forms...

FORMATION: 1992

ANNOUNCER: Greetings from Rice Stadium, home of the 1992 MOB Olympics! Not MultiCast - this is MOBCAST - with 264 mind -numbing channels. You'll see nauseating sob stories, computer scoring controversies, music videos of falling U.S. Gymnasts, and - if time allows - the GAMES THEMSELVES. {18s}

MUSIC: Bugler's Dream Fanfare {22s}

ACTION: During the fanfare the torch-bearer runs in from the tunnel to the ceremonial center of something and poses with pride for the crowd. The flame is "transferred" to the arrow and the archer aims. Someone cries, "Look, it's Elvis," and the archer shoots Elvis, who tumbles out of the upper deck.

ANNOUNCER: Let the 1992 halftimes begin! {3s}

ACTION: the archer is carried off to the Huntsville prison; there is a pause to let people see his capture, then the MOB scatters to...

FORMATION: pre MOB

ANNOUNCER: Coming up, on the Green Channel - Nike versus Reebok in product endorsement competition; on the All-White Channel we have presidential Mud-Wrestling from the Liars Club venue; and, on the Blue Channel, the breast stroke, featured only after 11pm. This broadcast is sponsored by Gilette Foamy, the offical shaving cream of the U.S. Men's Volleyball Team. Lookin' smooth guys!

{17s}

MUSIC: Bohemian Rhapsody {150s}

ACTION: SAs reenact as many varied events as they are capable,

with many athletes being hauled off to prison for spearing a referee with a javelin, using starting gun to shoot competitors, etc... prison has revolving door(?)... song ends, MOB scatters to...

FORMATION: Female Biological Symbol

ANNOUNCER: A women's swim team was the rave

It's rumored that steroids they crave

On their once lovely bods

They grew hair by the wads

And they desperately needed a shave {11s}

(pause) {?}

There once was a swim team from China... {2.5s}

MUSIC: Walk Like A Man {60s}

ACTION: formation changes into a male symbol during the song; gorilla in a bright orange bikini and other female swimmers have entered the field along with the drug staff. Wielding a giant hypodermic and a huge plastic cup, they proceed to analyze all of the swimmers except the gorilla; song ends, MOB scatters to...

FORMATION: 75

ANNOUNCER: And now, live from Rice University...

MUSIC: Nightline {6s}

ANNOUNCER: And on the Blue-Gray Channel - we see Rice commuting students in the 637 meter medley, careening about the Stadium Park-and-Run lot - competing for a place to park, and race-walking to Fondren Library in under seven minutes. This is the student's final Olympic appearance before the administration phases them out completely, so everyone please, give them a big hand... {21s}

MUSIC: Hit the Road Jack {107s}

ACTION: parking-and-run mayhem; song ends, torch carrier runs out with flaming cowbell and, just as the music should start, we run off the field because there's no time left; cowbell is smitten rhythmically from sideline...

MUSIC: Louie

EPILOGUE: This is pre-video viewing.

There were new speakers in the all-midrange sound system. It was hearable.

It was OK. Not a wildly raucous crowd.

The mannequin-fall was noticed.

The crowd started to sing along with Bohemian Rhapsody.

They laughed at the limerick and even payed attention during the Rice segment and laughed appropriately.

They cheered for Nightline.

I give it a C+.

Attendance: 20500.

Halftime score: Final score: R45-14