Setting: MOB on sidelines...

Announcer: Dear Mom and Dad,

My roommate gave me a message today - that you called a

few weeks ago. Don't worry about me - I'm having a great

time here at Rice. I've joined several important student

organisations - and, guess what - I was elected equipment

handler for Club 13.

Entrance: the usual screaming scatter from the sidelines to form...

Formation: MOM

Announcer: The rooms here are huge and taste fully furnished, and the state-of-the-art climate control makes the weather indoors just like the weather outdoors . Lethal bacteria have taken my roommate hostage, but they say they'll accept my laundry as ransom . My room's not too dirty, though -- the University takes out the trash twice a week, and serves it to us three times a day!

Music: Hanky Panky

Action: formation changes to DAD during song

music ends, MOB scatters to...

Formation: Male/Female Biological Symbols

Announcer: The colleges are all coed and they sponsor lots of

recreational activities. There are parties every weekend,

but they never have alcohol - at least, not after I get there.

Some times - my roommate doesn't come home at night, but

I'm sure that has something to do with BIO- CHEMISTRY .

Music: Good Lovin'

Action: formation changes to BED while SAs have pillowfight and

purity point meter moves around

music ends, MOB scatters to...

Formation: Cockroach

Announcer: The food here is great . All-you-can-eat at a great price. It's cultural , too! Spanish tables, German tables,

andViking tables. All of the vegetables are fluorescent

colors and make great flashlights. Everyone here is fat and happy, especially the roaches. But I haven't seen as many squirrels around as there used to be...

Music: Only the Good Die Young

Action: roach-on-a-rope dives into a plate of food, legs on

Cockroach formation move back and forth

music ends, MOB scatters to...

FORMATION: [[integral]]e^x

Announcer: My academic life is very stimulating. The professors never just lecture and the classes are really small, just like the brochure promised. And there's nothing quite like the sight of a sun rise over a computer screen. I've discovered a great Rice tradition -- the all -nighter.

Music: Day-O

Action: student gets squashed in a book; others hold integral signs formation changes to Sunrise

Announcer: I've also joined the marching band here at Rice. It's called the MOB. I was impressed with their elaborate

formations and precision marching...

Action: wild scatter - then back to Sunrise

Announcer: And some times, if the students ask for it - they play this

really great song about a kumquat. It goes like this:

Music: Louie

Action: saunter off field...

Announcer: P.S. If you were going to worry about me, why didn't you

just send me to Baylor?