Announcer: Return with us now to those thrilling days of yester year when wild hogs roamed freely in the old Southwest. The wagon train of red-and-white Winnebagos made camp in stadium parking lots all across Texas and no one was safe from the marauding horde [and their make-a-wishbone offense].

Music: William Tell Overture

Action: ?

Formation: MOO

Announcer: The Southwest is a pretty strange place with purple frogs, blue ponies and wierd orange cows roaming around some of the institutions of higher learning. The orange cows are pretty tough this year and a winning program in the Southwest always catches the eye of the NCAA, who are searching the Austin feedlot for the source of all that beef. But the orange herdswears there's nothing dirty going on...

Music: Pissant

Action: usual pissant suggestive dancing and the formation changes to "the singing is louder in these" arcs; music ends and MOB scatters to...

Formation: Tractor

Announcer: Why did the Aggie try to cross the road? To find a better conference. Did he find one? No - he didn't even make it to the other side. Deeply confused, he did his little song and dance in the middle of the road for every one to see. The conferences watched politely (for the most part) but, in the end, they Just Said No.

Music: Do You Love Me?

Action: deeply stupid Aggies do deeply stupid things and the formation changes to the word...

Formation: NO

Action: music ends and MOB scatters to...

Formation: CIAO

Announcer: As we ride off into the sunset we can see that the Old Southwest will be a mite bit smaller, 'cause the Hogs are going back east for those greener pastures. We'll miss their strange red hats, the fleet of red and white RVs and that sound they make at football games. But we do have one thing to shout about: you won't be hogging all the tickets to the conference basketball tournament anymore.

Music: SHOUT

Action: usual song and dance

Exit: ?

Other thoughts and ideas:

Hog humor: Hog wild

Pig headed

Squeal like a pig, Deliverance! (Oh well, it's a thought)

...Sow's ear...

Western things:

Savings and Loan Ranger

There ain't room in this conference for the two of us....

Who needs diamonds when

There's gold in that there conference

Being shot in the back

Going to tell you a story about a place with pigs

Poor football team barely kept there fans in red

And then one day they were looking for some

So they loaded up the truck and they moved to SEC